Today was my last doctor's visit of the year. Thank you sweet Jesus! My doctor is a wonderful man. The nurses are so sweet. The brutal thing has been sitting in the waiting room. It's not that I'm not excited for all the expecting moms in there. It's just that it's such a reminder of when it was Greg and me sitting in the waiting room, crazy with anticipation of our 5 month ultrasound...never realizing that in the next hour our world would change forever. Every time I sit in that waiting room and see couples waiting, I pray that they will have a good report. The other alternative is just too cruel for anyone to ever have to endure.
15 Doctor's visits, 6 ultrasounds, 16 weeks of waiting and knowing, 1 major surgery, and my daughter's funeral pretty much sum up my year. Yes, there have been pockets of happiness here and there, but for the most part, this year has stunk. I am tired of looking in the mirror and seeing sad eyes that no amount of makeup can hide. What will it take to make my eyes look happy again?
Today at my doctor's appointment we discussed future children. The realization that this time next year I still won't have a baby in my arms makes me mad. I'm mad because there isn't anything I can do but wait. I am not always mad. Honest. But today I am. I am ready for a fresh new year that I am earnestly hoping will be filled with much joy.
Hasn't this been an uplifting post? Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer. Next post will be disgustingly upbeat! I do have many things to be thankful for. I just needed to vent. I'll leave you with a picture of my sweet angel.
