Please hurry 2008!

Today was my last doctor's visit of the year. Thank you sweet Jesus! My doctor is a wonderful man. The nurses are so sweet. The brutal thing has been sitting in the waiting room. It's not that I'm not excited for all the expecting moms in there. It's just that it's such a reminder of when it was Greg and me sitting in the waiting room, crazy with anticipation of our 5 month ultrasound...never realizing that in the next hour our world would change forever. Every time I sit in that waiting room and see couples waiting, I pray that they will have a good report. The other alternative is just too cruel for anyone to ever have to endure.

15 Doctor's visits, 6 ultrasounds, 16 weeks of waiting and knowing, 1 major surgery, and my daughter's funeral pretty much sum up my year. Yes, there have been pockets of happiness here and there, but for the most part, this year has stunk. I am tired of looking in the mirror and seeing sad eyes that no amount of makeup can hide. What will it take to make my eyes look happy again?

Today at my doctor's appointment we discussed future children. The realization that this time next year I still won't have a baby in my arms makes me mad. I'm mad because there isn't anything I can do but wait. I am not always mad. Honest. But today I am. I am ready for a fresh new year that I am earnestly hoping will be filled with much joy.

Hasn't this been an uplifting post? Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer. Next post will be disgustingly upbeat! I do have many things to be thankful for. I just needed to vent. I'll leave you with a picture of my sweet angel.

Olivia Faith King

September 6, 2007

Takin' off my clothes

So today I went to the doctor for some bloodwork. I knew what was coming. After they called my name "Sherry King" (I don't even correct them anymore. I will never call my children by their middle name!) I turned the corner and there it was...the scale. So I started takin' off some of my clothes. First I took off my knit hoodie. I'm sure that was a good 2 pounds. Then came the shoes...prob. another 3 or 4, right? I was going for my socks when I noticed that the nurse was looking at me crazy. Am I the only one out there who takes stuff off when they weigh-in? Anyway, I've gotten some interesting responses to my weight loss comments. JoEllyn said that she had thought it would be motivating to do a before and after photo. HMMM. Let me see. Ok,

here are my before pictures:

:

Ok, technically these are pregnancy pictures. These were taken the morning I went to deliver Olivia. I was 36 weeks. So, anything I might post in the future should look better for sure! Ignore the date on the pictures. My camera reset when I loaded new batteries. This is where I was less than 3 months ago.

I have gotten a challenge from another new mom regarding a possible competition. When I work out the details, I'll fill you in. For now, I'm just sticking with my weight loss ticker at the bottom of my blog.

Last night I heard a knock on our front door. We were upstairs in the playroom and I figured it was probably one of those people going around the neighborhood selling magazines so I asked Greg to answer it. When he opened the door, there was Lelah holding the most beautiful poinesetta I've ever seen. Attached was a note that read: In loving memory of Olivia Faith King. She will never know how much that meant to me. I know that people get really busy this time of year and I felt truly humbled that she had taken the time to do that for us. It helps me to know that during the holidays Olivia will still be remembered. This has been a really tough week for me and I know that God sent Lelah to me last night.

I had a comment on my last post that suggested we write a letter each year to Olivia detailing our activities/events of the year and put it in her stocking. What a great idea! I did hang a stocking for her. Beckham pulled on it a few days later and it fell on top of him. Let's just say that he is lucky that he doesn't have brain damage from the stocking holder. That thing was heavy. We did have lots of blood and a big 'ole lump. The stocking holder is an angel so it had lots of pointy edges. I like to think that it was just Olivia telling her big bro to leave her stocking alone! I know she would have been spunky just like her sister!

Have a great weekend!

Help for a sista and some other random thoughts

Could someone please tell me the best way to list all the other blogs that I read. I know there has to be a better way than what I have figured out on my own! I read/stalk so many wonderful blogs that I want to make sure all of them are listed.

I'm also trying to figure out how to post pictures so hang in there with me! I know I'm not the only person who skims the actual words of a blog and just looks at the pictures! I promise I'll post some pics soon. I know you want to see pictures of ME!!!!!!!

I've been entertaining the thought of using this blog to hold me accountable to shed my baby weight. Although in my defense at our Grief Recovery group meeting, Nick said that it is normal to either gain or lose 5-10% of your body weight during the grieving process. Guess which way I went? Rats! One of my thoughts is to actually put my weight out there for all to see...let's just say that I'm not quite sure about that one yet. Another thought is to do my food journaling on this blog. Maybe if I thought about the fact that people might read that I'd eaten 14 cookies I might only eat 13! Ha! Ha!

Does anyone out there have tips for losing weight that don't involve exercising or eating less? Wouldn't it be wonderful if something like that actually existed?

I've been thinking a lot about the holidays this year. I'll put up the usual tree and decorations. It doesn't seem right to me to not hang a stocking for Olivia. But then, what would be in it? Things like that are making the holidays a little bittersweet this year.

Here I go...

Is it a bad sign when I can't think of anything to write for my first blog entry?