Blessings and Curses

For the past 2 years our home computer has been making me crazy. Back in 2005, Greg's office was upgrading some of their computers so they sold the old 0nes at the bargin price of $20. Yep, I've been using this piece of junk for the last two years! At first it worked pretty well (it was a little better than our old computer). Then the monitor's color started going dull. Most recently the computer would freeze up every 3 or 4 screens. It took forever to reboot it! If I really needed on the computer, I waited until Greg came home at night with his laptop from work. Even then I couldn't load picture software etc. because it was Greg's work laptop. Well, Monday night Greg bought our family a new computer. I am in awe of how thin a monitor can be. Keep in mind my previous monitor was at least 2 feet deep (you know what I'm talking about! Seriously old school!)

Along with the blessing of this new computer comes the curse of having a bunch of neat functions that I don't yet know how to access or work. I uploaded my cruise pictures from my camera but I can't find them! I hate to post without pictures. I am a visual person so it makes me crazy! Check back for those later! When we get home from church tonight I'll have Greg help me figure some of this out. Also, I want to have that cool function on my blog where you can have a music playlist. Is there anyone out there who knows how to do this? If so, please leave a comment for me. JoEllyn, I think I've seen one on yours before.

The Baby Blessing at our church was Sunday night. Our church family has been blessed with so many babies this year. I think I heard the number 32 or 34. Anyway, it was a night that I have been dreading since I had Olivia. We were included in every way possible. The babies all had their picture taken together with a white background wearing only their diapers. So many sweet rolls and dimples! Thoughtfully, a vase of pink roses were included in the picture to represent Olivia. On the day of the Baby Blessing a sweet friend named Rachel brought this picture to me in a frame with Olivia's name engraved on it. Everything in the picture was black and white except for the flowers. They were in pink. This was so special to me. The coordinators of the ceremony also asked us if we wanted to be included in the slide show. Not too many people have seen pictures of Olivia. Not because I'm ashamed of them. I think she was beautiful. It's just that they are so private to me. It's all I have. Anyway, I decided that it was time to share Olivia with the large group at our church. I will try to post some of the pictures once I figure all of this out. I also have a video of pictures with music that I am going to try and post here or at least link it to You Tube or something. Be looking for that in the future. I've held all these things close to my heart for the last 4 months, but now I am starting to feel like I want to share them.

I never felt that our situation was a curse. Olivia was always a blessing to me, my family and my friends. We didn't attend the service Sunday night. It would have just been too much for me. The part that I didn't think I could handle was when the parents and the babies would be called up to the front of the auditorium and a prayer would be said for them and the families who would be raising them.

I should have been up there with a 4 month old. But I can't. I couldn't have, because she isn't where she should be. But yet, she is. She's in heaven. The past several days I've reflected on the Baby Blessing and the prayers said for those families. I have felt a peace come over me. God has my baby already. There is no hoping that she'll "make" it to heaven. She's there. Enjoying all that we here on this earth are trying to inherit. So I guess instead of it feeling like a curse that my baby died, I (with God's help) consider it a blessing. She has what we all want. We want for our children what mine already has. I'm the blessed one.