Why?

I've felt very sad about leaving Little Rock. Sad for many, many reasons. At the top of the list is that we are leaving Olivia here. I just finished another Beth Moore study (A Woman's Heart, God's Dwelling Place). The last week's study included this thought from a mother who had been told not to visit the grave of her child. This was her response:

I knew he wasn't there anymore. I knew that better than anyone. I also know that his little soul and spirit are not in that grave. I know that! But the body that came from my own, that I held and kissed, the hair I washed and brushed, the face I cherished, and the frame I rocked were in there. And I loved him!

I guess that's why I needed to get a tattoo. It's not my first one. It's actually my third(my poor parents!). With my other two tattoos I was careful to get them in places that would never show. This tattoo was different. I needed to be able to see it. I wanted the words facing me, not outward for others to easily read. When I put my hand on my chest, Olivia's name is on my heart. I needed her traced into my skin. Forever a part of me.

Some of you may have followed the story of Boothe Farley. Her husband got a tattoo of their daughter's name. In Boothe's blog she wrote something that I just really loved and haven't been able to forget about. She said that "the last moment that he spends connected to that tattoo will be the first moment that he spends with Copeland (their daughter who died from Trisomy 18)."

Could I have chosen another way to memorialize her? Of course. But this tattoo symbolizes my personal journey. It symbolizes bravery, pain, sadness, joy, and the permanent place that Olivia will always have in my soul. Does it look ghetto? Probably. But it has given me a sense of peace that I cannot explain.